I love this talk!

           It’s just too easy, getting into a pattern of noticing the negatives, whether it be general issues of life or actions and habits of those around us.  This habitual pattern may stem from our desires for things to be good, or more aptly… our fear of failure.  

            I know that when I seem to focus on the negatives of my life, I think I am attempting to prevent something that I fear.    And when I am in this place of fear, I tend to overly correct and criticize everyone including myself.  And when I am in that constant habit of correcting or criticizing everyone, I am not empowering those around me as I want to be doing or as I think I am doing.  Instead I am most likely disempowering everyone.

            If as a child one is often criticized without receiving much in the way of positive feed back, he or she may then, as an adult, not know what it means to just be a part of life, to just know that things are right, just as they are.  It may be that as he or she felt picked apart, he or she learned to pick a part their own world, looking for areas to fix and make better to prevent from being picked a part by those who were in charge of loving them.

            The only problem with this way of being as a parent, is that as a parent our deepest desire is to empower our children and being overly critical contradicts what we want for our children.  We all want our children to be confident, strong and know how wonderful they are.  We want them to go out and conquer the greatest of obstacles and be on top of their world.  We don’t want them to become overly self-critical and spend even one minute doubting them-selves.

            I think about what it feels like to be overly criticized, to have someone notice only the negatives and have those negatives become the only focal point from which they view me.  It feels awful, to say the least. 

            And then I think about my friend, Mara.  Whenever I am in front of her I always feel like I’m on top of the world.  I know that I feel the way I do because she always sees the best in me and therefore connects with the best part of me.

            Our children need for us to be their critiques at various times, but if we find ourselves predominantly in that mode, and not as often their accepter and admirer, then we may need to step out, take a deep breath, clear our lenses and take a new look at our perfectly beautiful and beautifully perfect children.