Motherhood and fatherhood come with weighty responsibility.
For now, I am going to focus on the mother, one half of the important force in a child’s life. Furthermore I want to talk about the mother who gets to be capable and has been allowed to become a good mother.
Well… who is this good mother? What kind of a person is she? What human quality does she possess? How strong is she so that she can help her children become self-confident and emotionally intelligent people?…
Would you say that… this woman should have a good sense of herself, strong capacity to love, and a deep level of intellectual curiosity, etc.?
While no one is perfect, those characteristics that are mentioned above, a good sense of herself, strong capacity to love, and deep level of intellectual curiosity will definitely be helpful attributes to have if she is to become a good parent.
So… how do we bring up women with those above qualities? To answer that question better, we need to go a little backwards and discuss what kind of an environment this future good mother must have had.
To allow a female to grow up to be that emotionally strong and intellectually developed woman, we must provide a supportive environment for her. We must reveal to her or allow her to discover that she is intelligent, strong, and infinitely capable of just about anything that she
puts her mind to. She must be allowed to grow to her full strength as a human being! Make sense, right? If you agree, take a mind walk with me just a little bit further. I have something that I would like to discuss with you as we walk…
Let me now flash backwards in my life a week or so to reveal to you why I am writing this piece in the first place.
At the top of the ninth inning of a Giants home opener game, a portly porkish man with a square-ish head, standing, experiencing too much thought in his unhappy little square-ish head with the umpire’s call, began a string of verbal attacks at a Braves hitter, which went something
like, “get up, pick up the bat, don’t be a wuss, it didn’t hurt,” and as if that wasn’t enough he pushed out of his mouth a louder, “don’t be a little girl!”
The guy was almost indescribably obnoxious in his mannerism and voice while he said the words, “don’t be a little girl” But those words are not always said by indescribably obnoxious drunken idiot of a man like him; those words are said by many normal men and even by some
women, and this is what concerns me much more than some indescribably obnoxious people.
Since this particular moment with this man, the indescribably obnoxious man who had said “don’t be a little girl,” I have been hearing men who are not so obnoxious as that drunken man repeat his words. I have been witnessing normal average Joes saying it.
Just the other day, I heard John Oliver, a comedian that I like very much, who is definitely not a redneck ignoramus, say it. Right after revealing that the British now have a more sophisticated technology that aides commentary discussing the British elections, to a very
impressed looking Jon Stewart (representing the USA), John Oliver said, “yeah, little girl,” (speaking for Britain.)
No matter how different all these people may be from each other, there is one belief system that they all have; when they say, “don’t be a little girl” they are saying, don’t be weak.
Let’s explore possible ways that this can be unhealthy for the females of our lives, and in turn, the lives of all people involved.
When a little girl hears those words, “don’t be a little girl,” she hears that being a little girl represents something that one doesn’t want to be. Being a little girl means being shamefully weak and perhaps even cowardly.
When this is said so often and so easily, with such certainly of its truth that being a little girl means that one is weak, there have to be consequences on the deep unconscious of the female hearing it.
Could this type of treatment of females identity why so many intelligent females put up with bad and unhealthy relationships with men? Could it be that many females at some deep subconscious level believe they are inherently weak, and that they need a man to complete them, no
matter at what cost? If females are the ultimate symbol of weakness, how can they expect to be anything of real substance?
I can hear arguments against this going as follows: “but many females manage to be successful and strong and all of those things…” yes, that is true… could it be that it isn’t that these treatments do not affect females, but despite those effects, some of them still rise and the rest
have hard time rising from under such weight of emotional put downs and never fully grow? Consider smoking; smoking doesn’t cause cancer in all people but we know that smoking does cause cancer in most.
If continuing the habit of using the phrase “don’t be a little girl” meaning, “don’t be weak” may hurt most females of our generation, we should examine how this also may affect the males of today and of the future. As Mary Wollstonecraft argued once: better
education and better treatment of females is needed if we want to protect the potential of the human race. She was saying to everyone that these females whose emotional and intellectual well-being are being put in harms way will grow up to be poor mothers to all, to men and
women.
It is just too easy to find examples of the emotionally, intellectually and spiritually stunted women in our generation. I am proposing that we at least give it some thought as to what we are saying to and around our little girls. I am proposing that we give our
girls a full and fair chance to grow up to be as strong as any human being has potential to become. I am proposing that we do not use the word “little girls” to symbolize the state that is the weakest of the weakest. I propose that being a little girl is not something to
be ashamed of. I am asking that we allow our little girls to grow up to realize their full selves, what ever that may be. I would like to suggest that that world, a world that had honored a full growth of the females, would be a very nice place to be for us all.
