I was brought up to be polite, to not hurt other’s feelings, and to not be rude. I wish, though, that I had also learned how to honor my own feelings, and put a stop to anyone violating my right, my body, etc.
Habits, paradigms, and a sense of self-validation are so important for each of us. Those things are established most strongly into our own personal foundations as children.
If a child is brought up to value himself, or herself, to value his or her thoughts and senses and to learn solid self-preservation and have clear boundries for their bodies and spirit, that child as an adult would be less likely to put up with someone doing something wrong to them, at least for any length of time.
Children must learn to say no when things are not right for them. They must learn that when someone touches them inappropriately, when their stomach goes into a knot, no matter how the person who is doing it explains it away or who that person is, that they must trust their own feelings, never go near that person, and to let those who care about them know.
I say all this because as a knowing adult I allowed someone to sexually harrass me for a some months until it became too obvious for me to ignore. I am not dumb … but I had such a misplaced need not to hurt feelings, that when he began to act hurt at my keeping away, I ended up feeling guilty for hurting his feelings. It took this weekend, talking with a few women friends, and remembering everying, to make me realize how things really were, and I felt an incredible anger.
I was not taught to say no as a child. I was strongly coded to be polite, smile, and not cause trouble.
I say there is time to be rude, to yell NO, to cause trouble if one has to. There is a time to stop the violation of your right to safety, to staying whole, to not allowing anyone to touch you in ways that you do not want to be touched!
