Teach them how to fish

Functional family – how to nurture cooperation.

admin — Tue, 27 Mar 2012 23:06:54 +0000

Positive reinforcement of the desired behavior appears to be the best tools of the parenting trade.

Most of us know what it feels like to be in a mode of continual complaint or constant criticising of our loved ones’ behaviors. We often find that our emotional pleas seem to go unheard.

When we are feeling angry, frustrated and hurt, it is difficult to then want to have positive interactions with those that we feel are causing painful feelings for us. When we are in this mode, we are often quick to anger. Relationships can become bruised and even damaged from this terrible but avoidable cycle.

Ultimately, we all want happiness and wellbeing for those that we love. If we can get ourselves out of the cycle of negativity and move on and out into the sunny side of relating by getting back on tract of good and clear communications, we can reassert positive and loving relationships.

“Developing Leaders, One Child at a Time.”

admin — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 04:04:53 +0000

One of my childhood heroes, Stephen R Covey, does it again in his blog…

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/stephen-r-covey/our-children-and-the-cris_b_545034.html

Words to grow on…

admin — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 08:01:05 +0000

If you think you are beaten, you are;

If you think you dare not, you don’t.

If you’d like to win, but think you can’t

It’s almost a cinch you won’t.

If you think you’ll lose, you’ve lost.

For out in the world we find

Success begins with a fellow’s will:

It’s all in his state of mind.

If you think you’re outclassed, you are:

You’ve got to think high to rise,

You’ve got to be sure of yourself before

You’ll ever win that prize.

Life’s battles don’t always go

To the stronger or faster man,

But sooner or later the man who wins

Is the one who thinks he can.

- Napoleon Hill

Random Posts

Sometimes we hurt the ones we love the most.

admin — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 05:05:07 +0000

By: Nancy Sungyun

Someone close to me once said, “we hurt the ones we love the most.” Those were words iterated by my ex-husband to a very frustrated recipient, me. Many moons had to pass before I finally got a chance to arrive at an understanding of my own. Opportunity in the guise of pain forces me to see the truth of that statement. It is not to excuse potentially hurtful behavior, but it is to become fully aware that I too have been participating in the behavior that I hate in others: the behaviors that caused me great pain. Too many times.

I automatically rejected his words when my son accused me of being mean to him at times. I waved it off. I knew that he was just being dramatic, or just simply wrong. I could not acknowledge what could never be true. Of course not. He was wrong. I am not a mean person!

One morning recently, I woke up with a broken heart. I woke recalling a scene from the day before and I was overcome by deep sadness I didn’t know what to do with myself.

I was standing by a kitchen table, busily putting together plates for the guests on their way soon, while Enzo, a large Rottweiler sat patiently waiting to see if he could earn any scraps . I had not seen my son for months almost, and wanted this day to be special one for us. I had wanted to reassure him of how important and special he is to me.

While I was busily cooking for other guests, my son offered Enzo a piece of beef, just the way we used to do with our own dog. I quickly snapped: “Don’t feed him! He’s on a diet and could have Diarrhea!!!”

It isn’t so much the words that I said to him that broke my heart. It is the tone in which I said it and how I may have made him feel, even if he was not clearly aware.

My son was right about me all along. I had been mean to him at times. Too many times. I am at times mean to my loved one. I love him more than anything in this world. I have been hurting the ones that I love the most. I have been hurting my son (and others that I love as well, I am sure of this). I have behaved in that hurtful way to my precious one too many times in the past.

I called my son and spoke to him about my misbehavior and he in his wonderful fashion simply thanked me for sharing my feelings with him and my acknowledgment of his grievances that I had made mistakes in the past.

If “knowing is half the battle,” then I may have just arrived at the half-way mark on the journey to not hurting my son. I am not advocating for editing every criticism, nor am I saying that criticisms themselves are to be all together banned from our communications. But a regular practice of pausing to check on the intention behind one’s reactions (verbal and other wise) might be invaluable to becoming a genuinely loving parent and a genuinely loving human being.

Good parenting

admin — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 19:37:52 +0000

By, Nancy Sungyun

…

What does it mean to be a good parent?

A good parent is someone who is of course there for his or her children… which means authentically listening while being curious about who they truly are and being available for them when they need us to be. To be able to fully do those things a parent must be at their best/happiest because, it is very difficult to be there for anyone while at an emotional state lower than that.

If that is the case, what does one do when one is at his or her weakest/unhappiest? How does one continue to be a good parent if they are not at their best? It seems to be true that when feeling happy seems out of reach and one’s self esteem is at its lowest, it is not easy being there for another person. A parent in this situation might neglect their child’s needs and thus be less than a good parent.

Every parent wants to be the best parent they can. But even the most knowledgable and informed parent can, from time to time, falter in his or her parenthood.

So how do we do it? How do we get ourselves out of funks and states of low self esteem to get to our happiest so that we can be good parents even during emotionally tough times?

I am proposing that this time is both an opportunity and a gift of being a parent. In order to be a good parent to our children, we must be at our happiest, to be at our happiest, especially during emotionally challenging periods of our lives, we have to resolve whatever it is that may be causing us that challenge and placing us in an emotional state and making us feel less than our best. To get out of that state of being unhappy or emotioanlly compromised, we need to take steps to heal the wounds; we must take positive steps to learn how to take quality care of our own selves.

This in turn makes parenting a catalyst that pushes a parent to become one’s best human and to be in a way the happiest one can be because. It appears that to be the best parent one can be one has to be as happy as one can be.

The Case for Explicit Vocabulary Instruction

admin — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 22:01:48 +0000

In the article, “Narrowing the Language Gap: The Case for Explicit Vocabulary Instruction,” Kevin Feldman and Kate Kinsella argue passionately about the importance of mindful vocabulary knowledge building in our school aged children(and especially the long term English learners). According to the authors, even though many experts and researchers have been showing us that strong vocabulary skills are very important for successful academic careers, and even though this particular information has been available to us educators for many decades, there have not been strong enough efforts in building quality lexiconic skills in our students.

I am curious as to why, when there are studies that show the need for a focus on establishment of a strong lexicon base, the educators have not jumped on it. I would love to know what has been the cause of this disconnect and how we can improve this practice or the lack there of.

I agree with the authors that vocabulary building should not rely solely on impromptu, spontaneous learning opportunities. I also agree that structured planning must go into providing a quality English learning experience. I have personally found, both as a teacher and as a student in a learning mode, that a guided learning of new vocabulary words is immensely helpful and an enjoyable way to learn new words.

The more in depth the learning is for the learner and the more layered the experiences are that take place, the better the overall retention of the information would take place. It makes logical sense to me that wide reading of various genres and becoming self-aware of one’s own learning methods can be a powerful asset to the learner.

The point is to equip our children so that they will be ready to succeed in the higher learning environments. Doing this will help them succeed in school and offer them a leg up, or at the least allow them an even playing field with others as they move ahead in higher learning environments and afterwards, in the career fields of their choice.

Here is one of the many great talks by Kate Kinsella :

Click here to view the embedded video.

Modeling

admin — Tue, 21 Jun 2011 07:52:39 +0000

I am not an expert in this…. But I have been wondering about this point for a little while now…

It seems apparent to me that children, our offspring, learn too well the negative habits that are ours… what is more interesting to me is that they learn behaviors that they sometimes hate from us. I know this because not only has my son picked up and continued to practice my ex-husband’s destructive and less-than-profitable behaviors that he himself hates, but also many of my own.

My mantra has been this: “do my best to behave in ways that I want my son to behave.” Of course I have by my own blind vision, or simple neglect and laziness, allowed my weaknesses to continue… I now see this in him.

As much as I regret and do not like seeing my own misbehaviors in him, but that makes sense to many degrees, since he likes me and feels connected to me. There are behaviors of my ex-husband’s that he has hated all of his life, and now he is expressing them, whether he is aware or not…

One might assume that children would not copy behaviors that they abhor… but I am concluding that perhaps we human beings cannot help but learn behaviors if we are around them, even if we hate them…

I don’t really have a complete answer to this issue, except to suggest that we as parents do the best we can to nurture our own self growth and genuinely work on being our best human beings… and if we do that, our children might learn just that in itself, the self-growth, and be equipped with tools to work on their own human selves and be the best that they can be just as they have seen us, their parents, be the best of ourselves.

The Importance of the word “NO.”

admin — Wed, 13 Apr 2011 05:49:34 +0000

I was brought up to be polite, to not hurt other’s feelings, and to not be rude. I wish, though, that I had also learned how to honor my own feelings, and put a stop to anyone violating my right, my body, etc.

Habits, paradigms, and a sense of self-validation are so important for each of us. Those things are established most strongly into our own personal foundations as children.

If a child is brought up to value himself, or herself, to value his or her thoughts and senses and to learn solid self-preservation and have clear boundries for their bodies and spirit, that child as an adult would be less likely to put up with someone doing something wrong to them, at least for any length of time.

Children must learn to say no when things are not right for them. They must learn that when someone touches them inappropriately, when their stomach goes into a knot, no matter how the person who is doing it explains it away or who that person is, that they must trust their own feelings, never go near that person, and to let those who care about them know.

I say all this because as a knowing adult I allowed someone to sexually harrass me for a some months until it became too obvious for me to ignore. I am not dumb … but I had such a misplaced need not to hurt feelings, that when he began to act hurt at my keeping away, I ended up feeling guilty for hurting his feelings. It took this weekend, talking with a few women friends, and remembering everying, to make me realize how things really were, and I felt an incredible anger.

I was not taught to say no as a child. I was strongly coded to be polite, smile, and not cause trouble.

I say there is time to be rude, to yell NO, to cause trouble if one has to. There is a time to stop the violation of your right to safety, to staying whole, to not allowing anyone to touch you in ways that you do not want to be touched!

Caroline Casey: Looking past limits…very inspiring!

admin — Sat, 09 Apr 2011 16:58:23 +0000

Click here to view the embedded video.

Random Posts

Patricia Ryan: Don’t insist on English!

admin — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 20:35:46 +0000

Click here to view the embedded video.

Teach them how to fish

Functional family – how to nurture cooperation.

Related Posts

“Developing Leaders, One Child at a Time.”

Related Posts

Words to grow on…

Random Posts

Sometimes we hurt the ones we love the most.

Related Posts

Good parenting

Related Posts

The Case for Explicit Vocabulary Instruction

Related Posts

Modeling

Related Posts

The Importance of the word “NO.”

Related Posts

Caroline Casey: Looking past limits…very inspiring!

Random Posts

Patricia Ryan: Don’t insist on English!

Random Posts