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Importance of forgiving

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Forgiving is not always an easy task.  We definitely cannot forgive others if we do not know how to forgive ourselves.

We are hard on ourselves. It seems that we believe the road to being a good human is to make ourselves suffer whenever we fail at something.

The opposite is true.

As we are harsh with ourselves, we lose energy, creativity, and the power to move forward.  We often fall into depression and negative self-judgement.  Depression causes us to become powerless.

We must give young people the room to make mistakes.

But first, to really teach forgiveness and self-compassion, we must start the practice with ourselves.

A proof of good parenting

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Alaa Murabit’s Ted talk

Importance of good grades

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There is nothing wrong with students getting good grades. Knowing how to work hard and striving for one’s best is a positive attribute.

However, for many, getting good grade becomes the primary goal.

More important than getting good grades, getting into top colleges, and getting top paying careers is finding work that gives the individual a sense of fulfillment and joy.

If we focus on finding work that we love, then in the end, we will have lived a life worth living.  Isn’t that what we want for our kids? Isn’t authentic happiness what we want for our kids?  Wouldn’t that create a better world?

Do you know why you were born?

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Boniface Mwangi: The day I stood up alone

 

 

Dame Stephanie Shirley, what an amazing woman, what an amazing life!

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“Work is not what I do while I wish to be doing something else” — Dame Stephanie Shirley

I want to see all children discover how to live a life so deeply worth living.

 

 

 

What love of a family can do!

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What an amazing kid!

 

 

 

Don’t Make Mountains out of Molehills

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I was speaking with the father of a thirteen year old girl.  They had just had a fight about the quality of her work in math.

She has been performing poorly, and not asking for help in proactive ways.  Her teacher feels that her statement, “I don’t know how to do this, can you help me,” indicates laziness.

What she is displaying, in truth, is that she has given up on herself.  Most often kids give up on trying when they think that they are doomed for failure.  Why should she try if her effort will lead to nothing?  It is better, in her opinion, to avoid doing something than deal with the humiliation of failure.

She is plagued with what affects many of us in different phases of our lives.  Some even live this way without knowing that they are living this way. They just live with a bad self-image underlining their lives.

What we could do for kids who are going through this is to break down the challenge/questions into smaller sizes.  We should go back as far as we need to in order to build back her foundation of knowledge, so that she can get back on her task with sense of confidence.

Often times what stands in our way is our own self-doubt.  The mountain that stands before us often is not really a mountain… Usually it is just a little mole hill.

 

Self-Reliance

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One of the hardest things I’ve been trying to do is letting go of what other people think of me.    I am working on that aspect of myself, and I know that with practice and determination, I can get it down.

This skill is based on self-reliance!

Caring about what others think is at the root of many of our personal and societal ails.  Bullies in schools bully because they want to look strong.  Wanting to look like a strong person is different from being a strong person.  By growing up focused on the opinions of others, children miss out on becoming genuinely strong.

If we can teach our children how to become self-reliant in this way… bullying in schools might stop being so prevalent.

True self-reliance is about knowing how to trust one’s self.  When we measure our self-worth on “what others think,” we are sure to be wrong most of the time.  Teaching our children to rely on their own judgments would allow them to develop true strength.

I love Emerson’s words, “To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart, is true for all men – that is genius”

Patience is a virtue

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Patience, not passivity, is highly useful for many aspects of our lives, in parenting especially.

Patience is trusting; it’s having faith that our children will come through and do their best to be their best.  With the patience produced by faith, we can find the best of everyone including our own selves.

Boys will be boys?

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I recall a conversation that I had with a mother of two boys, both of whom are now in college and are pretty well-adjusted.

After our conversation, she begged me to travel the country speaking at schools, telling them what I had told her.

Our discussion was about the way that little boys are dealt with in schools, specifically about how much more difficult it is for them to sit still and be obedient, and how this can lead teachers to deal with them as troublemakers. This is not healthy for those young boys, or their senses of self.  Boys are not being bad during these times, they’re just not physically able, and teachers often do not recognize this, seeing those boys only as being problem children.

This sensibility is not good for the cohesive and healthy relating between the two sexes.

Deborah M. Roffman’s article about this very topic is very intelligently written and we should all start thinking about, if we have not been thinking about it already.