I am not an expert in this…. But I have been wondering about this point for a little while now…

It seems apparent to me that children, our offspring, learn too well the negative habits that are ours… what is more interesting to me is that they learn behaviors that they sometimes hate from us.  I know this because not only has my son picked up and continued to practice my ex-husband’s destructive and less-than-profitable behaviors that he himself  hates, but also many of my own.

My mantra has been this: “do my best to behave in ways that I want my son to behave.” Of course I have by my own blind vision, or simple neglect and laziness, allowed my weaknesses to continue… I now see this in him.

As much as I regret and do not like seeing my own misbehaviors in him, but that makes sense to many degrees, since he likes me and feels connected to me.  There are behaviors of my ex-husband’s that he has hated all of his life, and now he is expressing them, whether he is aware or not…

One might assume that children would not copy behaviors that they abhor… but I am concluding that perhaps we human beings cannot help but learn behaviors if we are around them, even if we hate them…

I don’t really have a complete answer to this issue, except to suggest that we as parents do the best we can to nurture our own self growth and genuinely work on being our best human beings… and if we do that, our children might learn just that in itself, the self-growth, and be equipped with tools to work on their own human selves and be the best that they can be just as they have seen us, their parents, be the best of ourselves.

I was brought up to be polite, to not hurt other’s feelings, and to not be rude.  I wish, though, that I had also learned how to honor my own feelings, and put a stop to anyone violating my right, my body, etc.

Habits, paradigms, and a sense of self-validation are so important for each of us.  Those things are established most strongly into our own personal foundations as children.

If a child is brought up to value himself, or herself, to value his or her thoughts and senses and to learn solid self-preservation and have clear boundries for their bodies and spirit, that child as an adult would be less likely to put up with someone doing something wrong to them, at least for any length of time.

Children must learn to say no when things are not right for them.  They must learn that when someone touches them inappropriately, when their stomach goes into a knot, no matter how the person who is doing it explains it away or who that person is, that they must trust their own feelings, never go near that person, and to let those who care about them know.

I say all this because as a knowing adult I allowed someone to sexually harrass me for a some months until it became too obvious for me to ignore.  I am not dumb … but I had such a misplaced need not to hurt feelings, that when he began to act hurt at my keeping away, I ended up feeling guilty for hurting his feelings.  It took this weekend, talking with a few women friends, and remembering everying, to make me realize how things really were, and I felt an incredible anger.

I was not taught to say no as a child.  I was strongly coded to be polite, smile, and not cause trouble.

I say there is time to be rude, to yell NO, to cause trouble if one has to.  There is a time to stop the violation of your right to safety, to staying whole, to not allowing anyone to touch you in ways that you do not want to be touched!

            Good writing skills may not lead to our students becoming the wealthiest, but it will lead to the likelihood of them having freer minds.   A freer mind is a mind that judges and makes thought out decisions for each situation that arises.  A freer mind also can detect bad rhetoric and avoid being persuaded by the self-interested and self-promoting entertainers of today, who attempt to influence their audience with logic-devoid fear inducing propaganda.

            I look at what is going on with the healthcare issue and see the self appointed authoritative voices Astroturf supposed grass-roots movements and convince the very people who need affordable health care, into thinking that it is bad for them by masterfully hammering away with hot button words.   These self-only-interested entertainers mis-use and reinforce the misunderstanding of any words and any ideas that they choose. 

            I am of the opinion that good writing skills are some of the most powerful tools in enabling and building critical thinking in our children.  Today, many years after my composition training, I see how every essay that I’ve personally written has shaped my ideas and helped me to sharpen my thinking skills. 

            Writing is one of the hardest things for many to do, since it requires the writer to sharply hone in on what he or she is thinking in order that his or her thoughts are put on paper clearly for the reader, and that is an uncomfortable and unnatural thing for most to do.  Fuzzy thinking cannot exist simultaneously with clarity of expression of thoughts and ideas.

            The process of learning how to gain good writing skills offers students an opportunity to become even smarter.  Janet Emig the author of an essay ”Writing As a Mode Of Learning” claims that, “If the most efficacious learning occurs when learning is reinforced, then writing through its inherent reinforcing cycle involving hand, eye, and brain marks a uniquely powerful multirepresentational mode for learning.”  This reminds me of what a master educator had once told me.  She explained that a person who learns something seven different ways has almost no chance of forgetting that which they learned.  Who is to say how many more modes of learning is actually taking place while they are seeing, doing and reinforcing.  I think the scientists of Brain Plasticity would agree with Janet Emig’s theory.

             Going back to my argument that our children need to develop their critical minds…  The alternative will avail our children to a life that is not “fair and balanced.”  Without critical thinking citizens, we cannot hope to have a truly healthy society.  Today the fear mongers are powerful and are very good at manipulating the innocent minds of good-hearted folks.  We must be sure to guide our children/students to become a generation that is optimally educated, powerful critical thinkers who will not be pushed around by the loud and obnoxious soul-less voices.

            In 1792, Mary Wollstonecraft, an author of,  A Vindication Of The Rights Of Woman, argued that girls should be educated to strengthen their body, heart and mind.  During her time females were being taught to focus on learning how to be physically attractive to men so that they may be cared for by the men.

Consequently, the most perfect education, in my opinion, is such an exercise of the understanding as is best calculated to strengthen the body and form the heart.  Or, in other words, to enable the individual to attain such habits of virtue as will render it independent.  Infact, it is a farce to call any being virtuous whose virtues do not result from the exercise of its own reason.

-Mary Wollstonecraft

            Over two hundred years later, Mattel appears to completely lack a good sense and a sense of responsibility toward how some of their best customers are being powerfully mis-educated by them.  You can read about it at:

http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/blog/2009/10/13/barbies-fat-ankles-latest-flap-racial-body-image-controversies

 

I am interested in your thoughts.  Please leave me a comment.