Dictionary.com tells us that the word “selfish” is an adjective that carries the following meaning:
1. devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one’s own
interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.
2. characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself.
Thomas Leonard, the founder of Coachu University, sheds light on another way of looking at the word “selfish.” His basic thesis is that unless one consciously takes good care of oneself, he or she cannot honestly be good to others. When a person does not habitually meet his or her own needs, he or she tends to be needy. In other words, a person who does not meet their own needs most often looks to others to meet them.
When one is needy, they do not know how to unconditionally or effectively give. One cannot give what one does not own. Under the costume of being a giver, needy people in truth are takers. Leonard recommends that we become selfish in order (amongst many other things) that we truly give.
As parents we want to nurture our children to live their lives successfully and create positive imprints where ever they step. The best possible way to do this is to model independent behaviors. The wisest have said, we teach best by example.
How do we parents become selfish/self-ful people? Thomas Leonard would say that we become self-ful people by taking excellent care of ourselves. We take excellent care of ourselves by taking excellent care of our bodies, taking steps to resolve issues that cause stress in our lives, taking action to regularly experience pleasure and be willing to say no when we simply want to say no. I am simplifying his message a bit here but doing these things is a good start toward selfish/self-ful life.
We are no good to others if we are unable to or unwilling to take care of ourselves. When we forget the passion of our hearts, our personal needs and voice, we can become needy people who in pretents of giving take that which we shouldn’t.
An essential part of a successful life is knowing how to be happy by being in touch with what is meaningful. Our children knowing this (practicing a life that offers them deep sense of meaning) offers us a confidence that they will very well live an optimal potentialed life.
My brilliantly wonderful Psychology Of Woman professor once told my classmates and me, to be a good mother we must attend to our own sense of happiness (a healthy level of emotional wellbeing). A happy mother is a good mother. I know that when I have been the most impatient with my own child and not been my best is when I was stressed out and was not feeling very good emotionally.
Going back then, to what Leonard argues for, that we should be selfish/self-ful to honestly be self-less, we should easily be able to acknowledge that his points make good and logical sense. And as we live this way in view of our children, we will inspire them to continue the practice of honest giving by habitually practicing selfishness/self-fulness. A self-ful parent is an awesome parent!